At 31 years of ovary, I've decided that having children deserves a strategic approach.
My yoni is my war tool of choice in this battle towards a free Black future. That sounds exciting, but am I ready to go on the front lines to find my baby's father? NOPE! Not yet, at least. Reproductive Justice is about the human right to bodily autonomy, to have no children (by choice), or to have as many as your heart desires! Reproductive justice makes giving birth a liberated choice instead of an inevitable inconvenience. Birthing people, like me, are choosing to have children later in life for the following reasons:
Men not wanting to commit to long term relationships or marriage
Infertility issues rising for men and women
Risk of issues with- and lack of access to- perinatal mental health
Barriers to fertility treatments and repro technologies
Co-parenting dynamics and challenges in non-nuclear families
Financial instability and lack of confidence to financially lead a family unit in 2021
That list is not exhaustive, but I have encountered these topics amongst my 30+ year old friendgroup. The choice and attempt to have children can go smoothly, but not everyone is so lucky. Are women genuinely choosing not to birth children OR are women sacrificing their biological chances waiting for their desired mate? Imagine these juxtapositions for a birthing person;
they work to create the appropriate lifestyle/environment for motherhood and cannot find a suitable partner or co-parent
they are in a loving relationship and they have difficulty conceiving
they have a child with an (un)intended partner who turns out to be a terrible father or co-parent
Unfortunately, any of us birthing people can suffer from these unpredictable circumstances! The volatile nature of preconception is mentally exhausting.
...some of us feel liberated in never giving birth.
Financial instability is the most significantly cited reason why birthing people delay conception. Financially stable parents have better mental health and have better quality of life for their children. I want that, and apparently so do many other Black mamas. Black women are the fastest-growing demographic for new business development, we are seeking personal growth, healing our generational traumas, and leading the work of liberatory movements. That stability is like buffing the grime of white supremacist oppression off you. Black women are shining!
However, it seems like seeking financial and emotional stability for ourselves first can work against us. It seems like Black women who delay motherhood are considered used up, damaged and possibly undesirable to the potential mates they are seeking. We work hard through the years and stay busy caregiving in our communities. I imagine a hater shouting from the peanut gallery, "Keep climbing that ladder for unequal pay, sis! By then, there won't be any available brothas who want you."
I see a rich, abundant future for the global African diaspora. I see it for my family, so I am using my own uterus as a tool. I understand the raw desire to birth and mother, regardless of the viability of the male counterpart (shoutout to sperm banks and absentee fathers). BUT I am so full just caring for myself, that I can pass on creating another human.
I am weaponizing my yoni against systems of oppression and unworthy sperm donors. I am only interested in parenthood under specific circumstances, and some of us feel liberated never giving birth.
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